


Slytherins Make The Best Teddy Bears

by Earth_Phoenix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Don't Judge Me, Dubious Consent, Dubious Ethics, I Don't Even Know, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Smut, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tom Riddle Is A Teddy Bear, Yes Really, You Have Been Warned, re-post
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earth_Phoenix/pseuds/Earth_Phoenix
Summary: Harry is gifted a life sized green teddy bear.Smut happens.Re-Post.





	Slytherins Make The Best Teddy Bears

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses for this. I am judging you so hard for any kudos this gets. *Extreme judgy face.*
> 
> Huge thanks to exarite for beta'ing this.

At 21, Harry was feeling settled into his life post-Hogwarts. He had successfully completed Auror training along with Ron and had saved up enough of his own money (he didn’t want to dip into what was left of his parent’s money unless he really had to) to buy a small cottage in the country. It was small and cosy and just what he needed after a long day at work.

Soon after he moved into the cottage, he had been gifted a giant green teddy bear. It was cute, as far as teddy bears went, he supposed. He had never owned one before and Dudley had ripped the heads of his. This one was around 6ft when standing.  The bear had come with a note:  _ We hope you enjoy him. _ Baffled, and with no idea who would send him a giant green teddy bear, Harry had scanned the thing for any potential hexes or curses. Nothing came up. It was simply a giant teddy bear, the colour of Slytherin House.

Harry had shoved the thing into a corner of the living room (no way was it going near his bedroom) and forgot about it. Occasionally someone would come over, look at the corner and giggle. Hermione had even declared it ‘utterly charming’, while Ron had simply shaken his head ‘It’s bloody weird if you ask me.’

Harry forgot all about the bear until winter came. The bitter cold came early to the small isle that year and Harry shivered. No matter how many heating and warming charms he placed on his bedsheets and around the flat, there was nothing quite as warming as having another body lying next to you. Grumbling, Harry had stamped around the cottage cursing the fact that he seemed doomed to bachelorhood when he spotted the bear.

It was still sitting innocently in the corner, still as giant as ever. Casting a quick featherweight charm on the thing, he moved into his bedroom. If he couldn’t cuddle up to a person, then maybe a teddy bear would be an OK stand in. Alright, it wasn’t, but if needs must and he  _ did  _ have a Queen-sized bed just begging to be used by more than one person.

It was odd, that first night. Harry was very aware that if any of friends came in and found him sleeping naked, beside a 6ft green teddy bear, they’d drag out to the nearest bar and tell him to find some to hook up with.  He really needed to get laid.

Maybe they were right. Harry resolved to sort his dating life out, so he didn’t have to rely on a stuffed overlarge teddy bear for warmth and cuddles at night. Shrugging, he cuddled into the bear. He could start to fix things in the morning.

 

*

 

It was the following morning, however, when everything changed. Harry woke to something poking his lower back. Sighing he rolled over, wondering how the thing could have broken during the night, he opened to his eyes and looked down.

A dick. A long, thick, fur covered dick. The bear had grown a dick  _ overnight _ . Startled, Harry jumped out of the bed and scrambled backwards, slamming his back into a bedroom wall.  _ What the actual fuck?  _ Toys, (as far as he was aware) did not grow dicks. He rubbed at his eyes fiercely, hoping beyond hope he was dreaming.

No such luck, the bear was still on its side (Harry had the little spoon in the bizarre teddy cuddle), a long, thick dick pointing out from between its legs.

Pulling himself together, Harry stood and walked back over to the bed, thinking hard. It wasn’t real, he told himself. It couldn’t be. Reaching out, he took a hold of the dick.

His hand touched a warm, pulsating cock. Stunned, Harry gently pumped it, feeling the warm fur, amazed that it felt so  _ real _ , so  _ hard _ . Harry licked his dry lips. There was no way he was going to give a teddy bear a hand job. He let go, feeling oddly guilty and even more worryingly – slightly turned on. Cursing he conjured the worst metal picture he could up with – Snape in a bikini.

His erection now gone, Harry left the bedroom and headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day. He was going to work, and he was going to push the bear out of his damn mind.

*

It didn’t work, Harry found his thoughts drifting back to the damned bear, wondering if the thing would still have a cock and what he was going to do about if it did. Should he touch it? What would a teddy bear dick even feel like? Could it cum?  Several times Harry caught himself hardening at the many images his mind conjured at the thought of what could happen during the night. It was wrong, he told himself. He was being aroused by a stuffed toy! Once or twice he found his hand drifting towards to his cock, wanting to jack off and  _ no _ , he wasn’t going to jack off to the thought of touching a teddy bear.

‘Hey Harry.’ Harry jumped. He had been once again thinking of the damned green bear and had completely missed the knock at his office door. Even though he was only a First Level Auror, he had been given his own office (Harry had tried to turn it down to no avail.) At least, he thought to himself, he hadn’t been touching himself.

‘Hermione.’ It was rare to see the brunette in this part of the Ministry.

‘You seem a little distracted, are you alright?’

‘No, come on in.’ Harry waved his best friend into the seat opposite his desk. ‘Hermione, I need a boyfriend.’

‘I could have told you that years ago,’ Hermione frowned. A year after the defeat of Voldemort Harry came out to everyone. To her knowledge, Harry had been so focused on sorting out his career, his love life had fallen to the wayside. ‘There are plenty of guys lining up to date you. I can draw you up a list.’

‘There are?’

‘Oh, Harry,’ Hermione laughed ‘You really don’t know how attractive you are, do you? From the way Ron tells it, half the guys on this floor have a vested interest in whether or not you’re single.’ Harry blushed, completely lost for words.

‘Do you have a particular type? There’s a cute redhead on this floor – Callum?’

‘Oh no,’ Harry pulled a face, knowing exactly who his friend was talking about. ‘He has  _ really _ bad breath.’  

‘Well how about Levi? He’s cute.’ Levi was indeed cute. He was a handsome American who had recently moved to Britain. Harry had only been on a mission with him once, and the tall, blue-eyed blond had impressed him with sharp reflexes and an easy smile.

‘Yeah, thanks Herm! So – what brings you to my office anyway?’

‘Well, I was going to invite you to dinner with Ron and me, but -,’ She smiled evilly at him. ‘Now I want you to go and make dinner plans with Levi instead. Shoo.’

Harry shrank into his chair. ‘Yes, mummy.’ Drat. He hated asking people out.

True to her word, Hermione had stayed and watched as Harry left his office and located the American. He found Levi just as the other man was about to leave to follow a lead and managed to awkwardly, arrange a dinner date for the weekend. Hermione had cheered from where she was watching behind Harry’s half-closed office door and then spent an hour instructing Harry on how not to fuck it up. Harry nodded and agreed at the right times, knowing full well his input was not really needed at times like this. He still somehow got talked into having dinner with them that night.

*

Returning home, Harry avoided his room. He made himself a coffee and then spent the rest of the evening brooding in front of the fireplace until the fire burned itself out. Sighing, he trudged to his bedroom door and steeled himself.

The bear hadn’t moved in the hours that Harry had been gone. It was still lying on its side, the dick still protruding from its body.

Unable to help himself, Harry slipped out of his work robes, leaving them crumbled at his feet and slowly wrapped a hand around his very aroused and interested cock. He should not even be entertaining the idea, but he couldn’t help himself. The bear had been on his mind the entire day. His hand moved on his own accord, pumping his blood-filled dick, his mind replaying the fantasies that had been playing in his mind's eye day.

He was on all fours as the giant teddy screwed him from behind; sucking that green stuffed dick and having it cum over his face; being sixty-nined; being taken the shower, over the kitchen table, on the sofa. Harry came with a shout. He took several deep breaths and then dug his wand out from his robes when his clean hand, banishing the stickiness away with a simple wave of the hardwood.

He really needed to get laid, and soon, because there was no way he could continue this. It was wrong, God damn it.

Harry walked over to the bed and crawled in. ‘I’m really going to have to name you, you know,’ he told the bear. He rolled over and looked at the thing, trying to imagine would name a giant green bear would have. The image of a young, charismatic and handsome Tom Riddle rose in his mind.

At 16, Tom had really been quite something. For years, Harry had secretly fantasied about the boy, not caring that he would grow up to be the monster that was Voldemort. As soon he thought that he remembered the older version of Tom he had seen – just as handsome, though paler. His features shaper than they had been. Unfairly, that only added to the appeal – Hepzibah Smith had seemed to agree. Yes, Harry thought, if Tom had only stopped at that. Had he kept those perfect features, Tom Riddle would’ve been highly fuckable.

‘Tom,’ Harry smiled to himself ‘That’s what I’ll name you, Tom.’ That decided and with his love life looking more hopeful than it had been for years, Harry was able to drift easily off to sleep.

 

*

 

Tom watched as the young man slept. He had been watching and listening to everything the young man did since he had arrived here. Once sure Harry was deeply asleep, he moved, his cock twitching in interest. Gently, he rolled Harry onto his front and parted his legs. What a sight Harry was spread out before him. The man’s anus was tightly furled, but Tom wasn’t worried, the magic wouldn’t let a simple thing like not having fingers, or a mouth to lube and stretch Harry to get the way.

The air thrummed with magic, and Harry was soon slick with lube, his tight hole opening up like a flower bud, ready to be taken.

Tom manoeuvred himself, so his dick was lined up with Harry’s sweet hole and then plunged into the man. Harry moaned softly as he was filled with Tom’s dick, causing Tom to still. He rested one furred paw on Harry’s hip, using the other for balance. Harry’s eyelids fluttered slightly, but he showed no sign of waking and Tom doubted he would. He pulled back and then slammed back into the tight, welcoming heat of Harry’s ass, setting up a steady pace.

Harry offered up a symphony of beautiful moans as Tom fucked him, the brunette’s cock responding to the stimulation. Harry came first, cum coating the bedsheets and the boy’s chest. Tom followed soon after, Harry’s ass milking his dick for every last drop of cum.

Tom panted as he settled back down, beside the brunette, finally sated. The magic hummed as if pleased, as it cleaned up after the pair, leaving no trace of what they had done.

 

*

 

Harry stretched cat like the following morning, feeling relaxed. He glanced at the bedside clock and groaned – he was awake early. He didn’t need to be at work for another two hours. Which meant he had time to kill, bugger.  He looked over at Tom and found himself disappointed that the cock looked flaccid. He blushed as he remembered the vivid dream he had during the night, in which the toy had buggered him.

It had been a very nice dream, even if it could never happen. Tom, was an inanimate object and therefore would be unable to shag anyone.

Still…the fact that dick was now flaccid raised more questions in Harry’s mind. Almost without thinking, he sat up and tugged the teddy bear into the middle of the bed and sat between its legs. It was utterly impossible – but – it had been erect when he had gone to bed the night before.

Throwing caution to the wind and reminding himself he was in his own home and it was unlikely that anyone would be dropping in at four in the morning, Harry bent his head and sucked the dick into his mouth.

The fur felt like silk against his tongue. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but he wasn’t prepared for when the cock began responding to him. The cock began to lengthen and harden in his mouth and it took all his wits not to gag on it. Harry traced patterns with his tongue on the furry dick inside his mouth as he worked, mentally pushing the fact the dick belonged to a  _ toy  _ and that he was currently giving said toy a  _ blow job _ .  Tom came a few minutes later and Harry filed that information away for later. Teddy bears could cum – that was a new one.

Lifting his head, allowing the dick to leave his mouth, Harry cleared his throat. ‘Erm, you’re welcome.’ What was the proper, polite way to speak to a toy you just sucked off? He looked down at his own arousal and sighed in frustration, he wouldn’t be able to focus on work until he had done something about it.

He flopped lazily onto his back, sliding an arm underneath his pillow and summed his favourite dildo and some lube. ‘Hope you don’t mind,’ Harry said, shrugging, beside the bear, ‘but a guy’s gotta get off you know.’

 

*

Harry’s ability to focus on work was slowly diminishing. After getting himself off with the dildo, while lying next to Tom he had showered, washed and dressed. The whole time unable to keep himself from wondering how different it would be if Tom’s dick fucked him. It would be wrong, obviously. So very, very wrong and yet. Harry gulped. He was going to hell.

If he did manage to pull his thoughts away from Tom, they strayed to Levi. Levi, Harry was sure, he had never seen so much. They bumped into each other in hallways, in meetings. Once, Harry was sure Levi had followed him the bathroom. Or maybe that was just the paranoia talking.

One thing was for sure, Harry would be truly crazy by the end of the week.

*

 

Harry peeled off his shirt, allowing it to drop onto the bedroom floor. He glanced over at the bed and stopped dead in his tracks. Tom’s paws looked more – human. Instead of the round paws, there were four distinct fingers and a thumb. Harry moved closer to the bed, Tom’s shapeless feet now looked more like human feet. Harry rubbed his eyes vigorously, sure he was imagining it.

‘Get it together, Harry,’ he told himself firmly. He turned his back on the bear and headed into the bathroom to tidy up.

Coming back into the bedroom, he approached the bed cautiously. He wasn’t sure how felt about the new changes in Tom. He wasn’t even sure why the bloody bear was changing. He was half sure he was going insane.

‘You’re not going to start talking, are you?’  When the bear remained silent, Harry shook his head. ‘Sweet Merlin, of course, it doesn’t talk.’

He slid into the bed, his back turned away from Tom. If he was sane, he would not only kick the bear out of his bed but out of his house as well. Instead, Harry simply pulled the covers up and tried to pretend that the teddy bear was just a teddy bear.

 

*

The days seemed to drag by, and before Harry knew it, Saturday had arrived. Tom, thankfully, hadn’t changed since the appearance of more human-like hands and feet. Harry had given up trying to work out what was going on and he wasn’t about to ask Hermione either, lest she think him insane.

He would be meeting Levi at an Italian restaurant close to the Ministry. Harry usually avoided straying too close to the Ministry outside work hours, aware that the press could be lurking about – but Levi had suggested the place. Harry had shrugged and deemed it acceptable. It was  _ only  _ a date; the place didn’t really matter – or so Harry told himself.

Though he had no intention of bringing Levi back to his place – Tom was still in his bed and he was just not up to explaining why to anyone, especially when he couldn’t even explain why to himself. He still spent most of Saturday tidying up his apartment, avoiding his room completely.

Having Tom in his bed felt completely natural – it was almost like sharing the bed with an actual boyfriend. Another reason why tonight’s date had to go well, it was about time he got himself a real boyfriend, preferably Levi if he didn’t blow it.

A knock at the door startled from his musings. Quickly he snapped the bedroom door shut. Smoothing down his robes, he walked in what he hoped was a calm manner to the front door and opened it slightly.

‘Levi!’ Harry was taken aback. Levi stood, dressed in smart black robes, a bottle of red wine held loosely in hands.

‘Hi, Harry. Erm, Hermione sent me an owl telling me to meet you here instead,’ Levi shrugged sheepishly, a smile tugging at his lips. ‘She seemed to think you may try to back out otherwise.’

‘That girl,’ Harry sighed resting his head against the doorframe. ‘You’d better come in then.’ Straightening up, he opened the door more widely, cursing Hermione in his head and patting himself on the back for tidying the flat up beforehand.

As Levi headed towards the small kitchen, Harry leaned his back against the front door as he closed it, heart pounding in his chest. This was a better way to start, it was a more relaxed way to talk and they wouldn’t be so nervous later on. He just had to keep Levi away from his bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself away from the door. He could do this, he could negative a grown-up date. Absolutely.  Nodding to himself, he smoothed down his robes and walked into the kitchen after Levi.

‘So…,’ Harry began awkwardly. ‘Do you maybe want a drink?’

‘A beer would be smashing.’

Harry relaxed a little. ‘One beer coming right up.’ Harry was used to playing host, having had drilled into him by the Dursley’s as a kid.

He pulled two cold bottles of beer from the fridge and tossed one over to Levi, who caught it easily. ‘Good catch, you’ll make a half decent seeker in no time.’

‘Ha!’ Levi teased, working the lid off. ‘Nothing will ever beat Quodpot.’

‘Pah, you Americans have no taste.’

Harry and Levi leaned over the kitchen table, bottles of beer by their sides as they fell into a heated debate over the two sports.

Three hours later, a very tipsy Harry found himself topless on the sofa, explaining in great detail the merits of fighting a Hungarian Horntail to a slightly less tipsy, but deeply confused Levi, who was sitting on the floor, his head resting on the bottom of the sofa.

‘…It was only protecting its babies,’ Harry burped. ‘So you can’t really blame it for being pissed off.’

‘Of course,’ Levi agreed easily. ‘Hey, we missed dinner.’

‘Oops.’ Harry giggled and fell off the sofa, head landing in Levi’s lap. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’ Levi grinned down at Harry lazily.

Harry raised his head, grinning back. “We can skip straight to dessert if you want.”

Levi cupped Harry’s face gently. “That sounds great.”


End file.
